Blinders

October 2, 3072

Stupid stubborn male!

To act as if he’s the only capable of extracting intel from different sources…grr. Stupid. Granted Mueller has training in “intelligence” that most of us don’t. Intelligence! Ha! But that doesn’t mean the rest of us are useless when it comes to getting information despite the fact that Victor is a mini-Mueller in training and not all information can be gained from shady individuals that operate outside of the law.

After all, Jain has the knack of making striking up unusual friendships in the most unlikely places, and both Spyros and I have had dealing with nobles for a large portion of our lives. Factor in Deschain, even if most us aren’t entirely sure of the man, he does know what he’s doing in such things. So the gall of Mueller to imply that only he is capable of this with maybe asking for Victor’s help to get the drop on the Manei Atrocius is ridiculous.

It has to be testosterone poisoning. That’s all I can think of to result in such arrogance.

We need to setup a liaison with the Blakists for sharing of information gathered regarding the bombings that occurred during our mutual op tonight. I know that most of those in the Dawn don’t like or trust them, but they have as much, if not more, reasons than us to hunt down those responsible. And I doubt even Mueller in all of his pigheadedness will gainsay the abilities of their ROM operatives. Precentor Ding was definitely angered by the brutal acts. Yes, warfare is a brutal, ugly thing, but what was done last night to all involved was disgusting.

Though in a way how it was done was stupid. If the person who planned this had any brains and truly wanted to cause trouble it should only have been done when my lance was engaged with the Jolo Defense Force if only because of the history that my unit has had with the Blakists in the past, not including the fact they saved our hides on Lothan. Then factor in the fact there’s little love lost between most mercenaries and the Blakists in general, especially those mercs of the AMS, it wouldn’t have been that hard to drive a wedge of distrust between the Dawn and our new allies. Which makes me truly wonder if this really is the Bloody Hand and not one of the known factions trying to hide their work behind shadows and lies.

Unfortunately Spyros and Victor had influenced me a bit more than I had realized with regards to the Word of Blake. Fortunately I had squashed that bias by the time I started to speak privately with Precentor Ding so that I was able to have a cordial conversation with the man. And he did prove that not all of those in his group are insane zealots.

I need to be careful of bias from those I work with in the future.

The only “positive” aspect of the bombing was that it ended our engagement with the former FedCom troops fairly quickly. Sadly they still seem dead set against Nicholai’s offer of employment stating they feel he is a traitor. To what, I don’t know, but I have my suspicions.

Damn the Steiner-Davion brats for destroying the hard work of their grandmother and to some extent their parents.

Enough digressions.

The situation here is even worse than any of anticipated. And I have a feeling I may have sparked some of Mueller’s arrogance by responding with the fact we’re here and must deal with the situation when he said that had he known the Bloody Hand were here he would have talked Nicholai out of the contract. Somehow I don’t think he knows Nicholai as well as he thought. Or may not know all of the reasons why we’re here. This is more than just a job in the mind of my beloved, he sees a chance to repay a debt to a family that helped him get the startup for the Dawn as well as helping a planet in need.

I know all too well the desire to pay off one’s debts to one’s friends, even if they say there is no debt. And too I know the desire the help those in need when I have the ability to do something.

This is definitely going to be an interesting year.

How will I convince the others to make sure we aren’t missing all avenues of exploration with those responsible for the terrible acts done while my lance was making its assault drop? We need to make damn sure we aren’t putting blinders on.

Blinders could cost us a great deal.

Deja Vu

September 25, 3072

I sit and watch my lance sleep, I need to get some rest myself, but am too wired to sleep just yet.

As I gaze out the portal at the fathomless stars I can't help but muse on how drastically my life has changed in a year. This time a year ago I was in the hospital trying desperately to recover my lost health and strength so I could try to forge a life for myself. It was on a backwards planet that few had much use for where I was supposed to be help train the local militia. A militia that consisted primarily of infantry with some support vehicles. Yeah, they didn't really need a mechwarrior el-tee.

I'm still terrifyingly weak, even if I have regained my health. I suspect I'll never recover that lost strength.

And a year later finds me on the way to another backward planet to help train their local militia while doing garrison duty. But this time I'm wanted for my skills which will actually be useful this time.

All of my skills, not just those of a pilot of several thousand pounds of metal.

Elgin is a mess and it would be foolish to try and pretty it up with using any other terms. There's at least 3 major political factions scattered amongst an equal number of primary landmasses. Mix in the Blakists and their desire to "help" this planet and the small force of AFFS that were pretty much betrayed by their CO and abandoned by their government... Not pretty at all.

For the first time I find I regret not paying more attention to my mother's lessons in politics. She was a greedy, selfish, power hungry bitch, but she knew how to play politics with the best and was often the head of the pack. But there's no point in dwelling on regrets, I can only work on trying to dust off my memory without getting sick or letting it taint me to use my mother's twisted means for something good.

Sadly my lance's first duty won't be one of garrison or training.

It's to be an assault drop on the AFFS force's fortified position since they're holed up in ontop of some important supplies and manufacturing depot. Supposedly the Blakists have their position surrounded, but lack the means to make a combat drop of their own and are unable to get through the AFFS's defenses. So Bravo of the Second Cavalary will get to prove why they were made FILO of the Lords of War if not the unit.

Poor bastards.

Though I cannot help but wonder if it would be possible to persuade the AFFS force to surrender to the Red Dawn? They've been trapped there for a long time, Nicholai is from a FedSun family with a good reputation and we have no axe to grind with them. It's time they get a chance to go home, even if it isn't the same home they left.

It's not squeamishness, even though I'd prefer to have an engagement as bloodless as possible, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Neither will I let my sympathy for those besieged to sway me from my task. Quite frankly I really don't want to go up against fast, light mechs in the kind of urban maze we're likely to encounter even if my lance is likely to have an advantage with weight and firepower. I'm also concerned at the fact that three quarters of my lance will be doing this in mechs they're largely unfamiliar with.

Hopefully Victor's "luck" with his engine being shot to shit will change for the better.

Ah yes, Victor. You certainly do have a way of dropping unpleasant surprises on people, my friend. Your life has certainly proven to be more fucked up than mine, but that isn't say all that much. I'd heard damn little about the clash between the AMS and the Blakists on the planet Liberty, but it would seem you got to know all too much first hand. A part of a covert op gone wrong against the Blakists, some of whom are part of the forces that are to be our allies in this op. Yes, god does indeed have a sick sense of humor.

Nothing can be done about it at this time, but at least I have some advance warning. How I'll handle it I don't know. At least it won't be when I least expect and no room to manuever.

A year long contract to help this newly formed planety government. It's going to be a long one.

I just hope no one is expecting any great political acumen from me. I am not that much of my mother's daughter for all that I look very much like her. Major Brock is probably the better choice for such matters.

Which reminds me, Brock is definitely shaping up to be a decent superior officer after all. And it's not just because he likes my coffee. However I'm worried about Bingham. He's still too hesitant and nervous. I know, I know, I shouldn't say anything, but at least I had the good sense to remember the old saying "Never let them see you sweat".

How did he survive the academic world with such a demeanor? They're almost worse sharks than the military.

I should say something to the major, but how?

A year here... I hope that Nicholai and I will be able to continue to see one another without disrupting our duties. These last few months have spoiled me and I keep finding that I have to make myself stop wistfully semi-dreaming about something more in the future.

Dreams die upon encountering reality.

And I know all too well how much things can change in just a year.

Challenges

August 31, 3072

Now I'm facing the first true challenge to my skills as a leader. Our new contract will be in the Elgin system which is located in the so-called Chaos March. That in and of itself isn't the hard part. Nor is it the fact that we're going into a politically turbulent world at the behest of the new Prime Minister. Neither is it the fact it'll be 12 months long involving a combination of garrison duty and training up the local militia to the standards of the Red Dawn.

The difficulty lies in the fact that we'll be working side-by-side with the Word of Blake.

Personally I don't have that many issues with them, aside the fact I do think a great deal of their people are religious fanatics, but they aren't insurmountable. After all, I do have a reasonablly decent working relationship with Major Brock and Captain Bingham.

My greatest concern is Spyros, who does have major issues with the Blakists.

I can understand why he feels betrayed by the Word of Blake and I'm not asking him to trust them. But I need to get it through his thick skull that I'm asking him to trust his officers, that we will back him and everyone else if the Blakists should prove to be as false as my mother. I don't need him going off half-cocked at shadows and stirring up trouble where there wasn't trouble before this.

At least I got a very minor, grudging, agreement out of him to try not to start that trouble.

Thank whatever deity of your choice that Victor and Jain only have distaste for the Blakists, not outright hate. Otherwise I'd have to explain to the medical staff why I want a steady supply of sediatives for my lance. Bad enough I'm going to have to spend more time than I should on keeping an eye on Spyros while keeping him on a tight leash, I don't need the other two going off also.

Now I see why they kept me as lieutenant when Spyros's experience would have been valuable as a war-leader. While I have few, if any, virtues, I do at least know how to work with those I detest. Something I'm not sure if Sergeant Alexander has really learned.

As for people that I detest...I think I'm going to have to remove Brock and Bingham off that list, or at least bump them down a few notches. Apparently this newfound ability to forgive has shown me other ways of viewing people, or at least let me get over my irrational biases.

Major Brock has effectively made my lance his jury and myself their judge. He feels he's lost touch as a leader and wants us to tell him when he's being an idiot, not quite so bluntly. Which is why I imagine why he wants me to consider what the others have to say before passing it on to him. The disturbing part of the whole matter is the fact I've never felt so reluctant to give anyone a piece of mind before this. What happened to the woman who wasn't afraid to tell the Archon she was a cheap whore?

Oh, who am I kidding? I know what happened. She gained so very much that she's afraid to lose it with the wrong word. But it seemed that very hesitation seemed to encourage the Major into believing he chose rightly. And maybe he was right, only time can tell.

And perhaps he did do rightly since I can no longer see him as a martinette, just someone who made mistakes and is still suffering from that. No matter how I try to conceal it, keep it from myself and others, I can't stand to see others suffering when I know there's something I can at least try to do to help it.

He also had a good start in winning the Second Calvary by apologizing to them about how he greeted the Dawn when we returned from Lothan. And gave a bit of insight as to how he's been acting the way he has, I know it made some uncomfortable, but I believe we all needed to hear it as much as he needed to say it.

Then of course he and Bingham to drop their little bombshell about the new contract.

I wonder if I should mention to Captain Bingham that it's a bad idea to show nervousness in front of a room full of mercs. Angry mercs no less.

Apparently our new contract involves going to the Elgin system at the behest of the newly elected Prime Minister to act as garrison forces and to help train the militia. I suspect it's also to help bring some measure of peace to that wartorn planet. How Brock challenged the Second on how to handle the new contract has actually caused me to start respecting the man and have a little hope that he'll be able to lead us well.

Odd to think I have a slowly growing respect for a alumnus of my academy who is a Lyran noble to boot. Now how to figure out that lesson and teach it to Spyros.

It's going to be a long year.

With the new contract now being spelled out, I can now see why Nicholai asked my lance to act as his honor guard when Mueller's people can't do it. Spyros and I have the knowledge of how to deal with nobles of all levels, Victor is just plain sneaky and Jain has a way of winning friends in unlikely places.

And I thought I left the political crap when I left Tharkad!

Ah well, such is life.