Some time off

Red Dawn Temporary Barracks
Outreach
November 23, 3071

Standing near the gate to the temporary quarters of the Red Dawn, Lonnie waited for her cab, lost in thought with her hands tucked into the pockets of her jumpsuit and her head slowly bowed unheeding of the breeze toying with her hair and clothing. Despite the concealing makeup she had used there was still a faint shadow of the livid bruise on her right cheek from the earlier mock combat. While markers had been used instead of slugs, and the laser weapons had been toned down to be non-damaging, the jostling she'd gotten when her Herc had been headshot twice had left some impressive bruises. It also left her deeply grateful she wasn't male. After the way the lower straps of her five point harness had tightened to hold her in place would have made walking painful for a man.

The soft beep of an incoming message snapped her back to the present, reading it she sighed. Due to an accident, her cab was going to be 20 minutes later than expected. Fortunately, most of the shops in Harlech were open late enough that her plans wouldn't be disrupted by the delay. For a moment she wondered what her lancemates would think of the fact that the coolly aloof Lyran was going shopping for christmas presents and decorations, including stuff for them. The young mechwarrior grinned briefly, ignoring the slight stab of pain in her cheek, as she contemplated seeing their reactions to her wearing a floppy christmas hat while up some tinsel and other easily removable decorations in the barracks of Bravo Lance. That alone would be worth it.

Then she sobered as she realized it would be the first time in years that she wouldn't be able to spend Christmas with Alex and the others, including his family. On the upside she'd find a way to spend it with her father and uncle, a rare occurance, but Alex's absence would be missed. Which reminded her...

Having time to kill, she pulled out her noteputer for a brief note.

"Hey Alex, I know it's a month early, but I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. According to Captain Dante the Commander thinks we'll have a contract by Christmas, so we'll probably be shipping out sometime around that time then so I'm not sure when my next message will be. I hope you two have a wonderful holiday season. All my love and lots of zenhugs. Lani."

After sending the message through it's way, Lonnie contemplated the term zenhugs. It was something neither Alex nor she had used in sometime, but it seemed appropriate. He'd seen the term in an old book and for a time she'd used it in her messages to her father. Zenhugs were "the hugs you would give if you could give them".

Seeing that she still had quite a bit of time before her transport, she kept the 'puter out.

"New Journal Entry."

Sighing, she leaned against a wall and closed her eyes. "We had another mock combat, this time against the Dismal Disinherited. And we got our asses handed back to us. I think we were all convinced we were going to get fired from that debacle, only we're not. Seems that the Commander wanted to see how we would hold up under pressure and arranged for a combat vetern team to go up against us. Even if we did get wiped out quickly, we did manage to knock a couple of them on their asses at least."

"We did hold up though, and we were working together as a team. It's not very cohesive, but it's better than what it was and Richardson didn't loose his temper on the battlefield. There might be a chance at us being somewhat successful after all. Though I wonder how long my Herc will last, I got headshot twice today. How I didn't get completely offed is beyond me."

Opening her eyes, she sighed again, "I just hope that I am cut out for this, since it looks like we'll have a contract within the next month my emotions are finally beginning to realize that I will be facing real combat after all these years of training. And I'm scared shitless."

"Not so much that I'll get hurt or even killed, I'm scared that I'll let my lancemates down. That when the moment of truth comes, I'll fail. Stupid, but there it is. I know over time I'll get over it, but the question is, do we have that time? And the other question is, will I?"

"I know what I'm doing when it comes to piloting a mech and can shoot fairly straight, either with a mech's weapons or my own outside of the mech. But my tactics are still rotten. At least I wasn't timid in this last battle, even if I was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. It definitely wasn't timidity when I was trying to avoid getting shot by at least three mechs at once. "

She rubbed the back of her head, "Then to make matters even more interesting, our debriefing was held by the CO of the opposing lance. He was understanding, made some suggestions, and was...not what I was expecting. Judging by everyone else's expressions, neither were they. I was fully expecting a lecture that started off with 'Listen up maggots, this is what you did wrong.'"

The white-haired woman laughed a little ruefully. "I should know better than to actually anticipate anything in this unit. The commanding officers are generally at least one step ahead of us..."

Grimacing she tried not to let her thoughts head off in a direction that made her uneasy, when that didn't work, decided to face it head on.

"Speaking of commanding officers, or at least one in particular. What am I going to do? I've only known the man a little over two weeks, have spoken with him all twice alone and no matter how I look for things to make myself turn off of him, I can't find it. I'd talk to Dad except he'd probably lecture me about fraternization. I'd talk to Uncle Billy, except if he doesn't lecture me, he'd ask me why I haven't done anything yet. Since I can't seem to get my emotions to behave, I'd love to have someone to ask advice of. Someone who knows Kasperov, but isn't part of the company."

That thought stopped her as a memory surfaced.

"Signor Cabella might fit that bill... he obviously knows the commander, he even teased me a bit about marrying the man and he's not part of the company. I was planning on going there to eat anyway, maybe, just maybe, he'd be willing to give a little advice. Just hope the subject of my request doesn't show up. That could make things more than a bit awkward. But if he does, he does. I'll deal. Somehow."

"Kind of wish I felt comfortable enough around Jain to ask her to go shopping with me. I think she'd make it a fun trip and she might be able to come up with some suggestions for gifts for Victor and Captain Mueller. But maybe in the future. Damn this deception! I thought it would help me find myself, but it's not. It's hampering me so much that I'm afraid of reveling who I am without meaning to. Like I did in the debriefing when I almost said that I'd gone to Nagelring. How much longer can I continue to lie like this before I forget who I really am without ever truly knowing?"

Before she could try to come up with an answer to her own semi-rhetorical answer, the sound of a car horn alerted her to her cab. For awhile she would forget about her personal problems while dealing with the more pleasant issue of figuring out christmas gifts. After that... well only time would tell.